Chapter 2

"Kira asked me to grab a late night snack with her when she gets off shift in a couple hours. You’re sure you don’t want to come?"

"No thanks, Ezri. I’ll just grab a sandwich or something. I really have to get this done."

Julian Bashir saw Ezri Dax nod with a pang of regret. He could tell she was disappointed. Conversation in the runabout on the trip back from Bajor hadn’t been any better than the trip there. He simply didn’t know what she wanted him to say.

"Okay…I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast then?"

He nodded.

"Well," she waved weakly, "bye."

Julian noticed the expression on her face and frowned, feeling guilty and frustrated. Not wanting her to leave like that, he caught her by the shoulder before she could get through the door.

"Ezri," she looked up at him, obviously hoping he’d changed his mind. Without warning, he leaned down and kissed her, gathering her up in his arms.

"Wow," Ezri breathed when they finally separated. "Now that’s what I call a goodnight kiss." She played with the hair at the back of his neck. "Are you sure you can’t get away tonight?"

"No, I really do have a lot of work to do." Julian smiled, "but I’m very tempted."

Ezri grinned back and kissed him again. "Goodnight then…and try to get some sleep."

"I’ll try to squeeze in a couple hours before morning…."

Ezri’s resulting motherly scolding face amused him. Previous symbiont hosts had probably spent years perfecting it.

"No, don’t try. Do. I can’t stand it when you’re grumpy in the morning."

With one last glance over her shoulder, she walked out the door.

Leaving him alone with a good five or six hours of work to trudge through.

He turned around in the cramped storage space of his infirmary, hip deep in crates of medical supplies. A starship had dropped them off while he’d been on the planet. Some of them he needed to restock his infirmary and others needed to be sorted and shipped to other systems. The U.S.S. Nightingale would be arriving in a few days for last-minute supplies headed to Cardassia Prime.

He didn’t know yet whether he would be leaving with it.

And he couldn’t bring himself to tell Ezri. She might wonder why he was so eager to get assigned somewhere that would leave them separated indefinitely. He didn’t want to leave her—he loved her, but he had to do this. He was slowly being driven crazy by one number, rolling round and round in his head.

Eight hundred million. That had been the death count on Cardassia when he'd stood in Central Command the day the war ended, and that number had grown by the thousands in the past two months. Here on DS9, Cardassia was practically at his doorstep. He had read the reports that flooded in from the Federation media groups, and was observant enough to look past the post-war propaganda and biased journalism and see the truth. Innocent Cardassians were dying, and there was little or nothing they could do to help themselves. And far, far too many people in the Federation were declaring that Cardassia was getting exactly what it deserved. So many, in fact, that his numerous pleas to Starfleet to supply medical aid seemed to be trapped forever in exhausting political debate. Bashir didn't need to split hairs about sociological and moralistic details. There were people suffering on Cardassia, and he wanted to go out there and help them.

The letter he’d gotten from Garak a few weeks ago only served to fuel his resolve. He’d redoubled his efforts, harassing everyone he could think of that had the influence to get the relief effort approved.

And now, finally, it happened. Four ships filled with supplies and personnel were being sent, and he had put in a request to go.

Julian sighed as he opened an empty crate and started stacking things into it from the piles of supplies scattered into ordered piles on the floor. He should tell Ezri, but he didn’t want her to worry until he knew for sure. A transmission from Starfleet could come at any time now.

They sure were taking their sweet time in letting him know.

****

"It was...strange. He was so odd, he made me feel uncomfortable. Like he knew everything I was thinking, everything I was planning to say. Plus he was so damned smug, if I hadn't felt so naked I probably would've said something!"

Counselor Dax only smiled slightly in reply, listening to Kira's stressed retelling of her encounter with the new first officer. The colonel leaned back tiredly in her chair and sipped her raktajino. The quiet of late night chatter had settled in the Replimat, a comfort remembered from days before the war. Kira had spent most of the evening going over that first conversation with Alden, and couldn't piece where he started to make her feel so uneasy.

"And he was so quiet," she continued, "I think that was what really bothered me. Not really curious, not cordial. Just quiet, and emotionless."

Dax rested her chin on her hand, brow furrowed, deep in thought. "Do you think he has some sort of special power?"

Kira rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious."

Ezri grinned teasingly, dropping her eyes to her plate. "Oh, you never know. 'Like he knew everything I was thinking' ... very mysterious. So where is he from?"

"His personnel file from Starfleet lists him as human," Kira replied, puzzled. "Why, what are you thinking?"

Dax shrugged thoughtfully. "Well, I haven't met him yet, so I was just making sure it wasn’t a factor. You said he was involved in a lot of combat?"

Kira sighed. Every one of them had seen a lot of combat, perhaps too much.

"Alden enlisted at the start of the Klingon war, and received a field commission for meritorious service. Apparently, he rose quickly, it wasn't hard: Starfleet lost a lot of combat officers during the Klingon War. When the war with the Klingons turned into all-out war with the Dominion, he stayed on."

Dax grimaced. Could it be that Starfleet had sent yet another war victim her way? "So we have an extremely quiet and withdrawn guy who's seen a lot of combat," she summed up with a frown. "He could be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome."

Kira lifted one eyebrow in silent reply, taking a second to swallow her hasperat. "Does that fit with all the reprimands?"

Ezri's eyebrows went up at this new shred of evidence. "Reprimands?"

"Reprimands." Kira gave the counselor a look that told her she was none too happy about this fact. "Apparently Alden has a short list of charges against him. Even demoted once. Of course lately he's not had problems, because he's been begging to be transferred here for over a year now. But how is that productive? Sending a slightly insubordinate... person into a position like this? How did a guy with his record ever achieve such a high rank in Starfleet?"

Dax pondered the question for a moment and then lifted her eyes and stated solemnly, "He enlisted."

Kira shot her a dirty look, which broke into a grin and small laugh. She shook her head. "That doesn't help me. Tomorrow I have to meet with this guy and talk to him about his duties and responsibilities, and if he doesn't like what I decide or he doesn't like me --"

"You act like he might leap for your throat or something." Dax sat back in her chair and met Kira's gaze with a grin. "Look, according to his records he's been wanting a position on DS9 for a long time, right? And he's been very good recently. Why don't you give him a chance? I know he may seem weird, but you really haven't gotten to know him. All you did was welcome him to the station and introduce him to Nog. I'm sure once he's settled in and starts work you'll feel much differently."

Still skeptical, Kira’s eyes narrowed. "You think so?"

Ezri smiled warmly. "I know so. You got used to Ben, didn't you? You didn't like him much either in the beginning, as I recall." Then a sly look crept into her eyes, and she wagged a scolding finger at her commanding officer. "You know, Nerys, you really need to stop judging people on first impressions."

Kira tried to look indignant and gave up with a weak laugh. Dax was right, as much as she hated to admit it.

"Maybe you're right. Who knows, maybe he's intimidated by me, too," Kira laughed. "But what about the eerie feeling?"

Dax shrugged. "It could've been just part of the whole first impression bit. You said you were seeing him tomorrow. Maybe things will be different. You'll both be rested, and you can start over fresh."

Kira sighed. "Well, you're the counselor."

"That's right, and don't you forget it either," Dax shot back playfully. "Well, I'm off to bed. I'll see you in the morning." Dax pushed her chair back and made her way through the throng to a replicator to discard her tray.

A thought sprang into Kira's mind just before Ezri turned to leave. "Oh, how are Jake and Kasidy?"

Dax paused next to Kira's table. "They're fine. The pregnancy is going smoothly, so far. Kas is in great shape." Then a gentler expression crossed her face as she met Kira's eyes. "Jake's still upset about Ben, though."

"Who isn't?" Kira murmured, sighing. Then she shook her head slightly, as if to throw off the mood. "How's the house coming along? Some friends in the Kendra Province told me Jake’s doing all kinds of indoor plumbing work."

Abruptly, and much to Kira's confusion, Dax's eyes widened and she broke into a fit of giggles. The colonel gave her a startled look. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, it was just --," Ezri chirped, biting back another laugh. "I'll talk to you about it later."

And with that Ezri hurried off, leaving Kira bewildered.

****

For what seemed to be the thousandth time that night, Bashir stood and stretched, yawning; his head hurt, his eyes ached with sleep. Still, he was used to it by now. Working late into the night in the infirmary on endless inventory reports had become nothing out of the ordinary in the past two months.

Sighing, he picked up one of several PADDs off a crowded table and blinked at the small screen, trying to stay focused on the long columns of figures. By now, the methodical routine was so familiar that he slipped into it almost instantly. Distancing himself from the ache behind his eyes, he logged the contents of another crate then continued sorting and updating the endless lists of medical supplies. It wasn't hard to let that detached, precise part of himself take over, shutting off the rest of his mind. By this time, in an almost literal sense, he could do this kind of work in his sleep.

It took a great effort to shake off that brusque manner when Nurse Raal approached him.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir..." the young assistant said nervously, breaking the silence for the first time in hours.

"That's all right," Bashir said tersely. He was almost surprised at how emotionless his voice sounded. "What is it?"

"You have an incoming message from Admiral Ross," Raal explained. "I told him you could take it at your desk."

The doctor rubbed his eyes, trying to shake off the feeling of detachment from reality. "Right," he sighed tiredly. "Thank you." Hauling himself to his feet, he made his way to the small room off the main infirmary and opened the communications terminal.

"Good morning, Doctor," Ross's benevolent image greeted him.

Startled, Bashir flicked his gaze to the chronometer inset on the screen and saw the admiral was right; it was already 0130. "Good morning, sir," he replied blankly.

"I know it's a bit late to chat," Ross stated observantly, "but I figured you'd still be up. Not many of us have time to sleep well these days."

No kidding. Bashir's mind flashed on the image of Dax, sleeping soundly in her quarters, and inwardly groaned. Ordinarily, he would be reluctant to talk to the Admiral. He still hadn’t forgiven him his involvement with Section 31. But right now, he was more eager to find out if this "chat" concerned his trip to Cardassia.

"Starfleet was pleased with your report on the post-war political status on Cardassia Prime, Doctor." The Admiral shook the PADD he was holding for emphasis.

Bashir felt vaguely guilty for reporting the facts he’d gleaned from Garak’s letter. He consoled himself in that he hadn’t revealed the more personal aspects. Those were none of Starfleet’s business.

"Our other sources of information are few and far between, and some unreliable at best, I admit. Your information’s been the most complete and enlightening we’ve had to date since we withdrew the fleet. It caused quite a debate in the Federation Council, but they’ve agreed it’s also opened up an important opportunity. By providing the Cardassians with aid, we’ll be in a position to guide them through these troubled times. You'll be able to send us an update of the situation once you get there."

"I’m going then?" He wanted to believe he had heard right.

Ross smiled genuinely. "Not only are you going, you’ve been assigned project leader."

Bashir sat stunned a moment before he could reply. "Me? Leader…of the entire effort? But, I haven’t had time to prepare. I’m not familiar with… sir, there are too many details."

"I’m sure you’ll be able to get caught up en route. Sorry it took so long to inform you, but the right person for the position was one of the major points of contention in the Council. You’ll be happy to know you had a wide range of supporters. I even put in a good word for you."

"I appreciate that, Admiral." He half-smiled, wondering if Ross’s words had the weight of Section 31 behind them. Still, sometimes it wasn’t good to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Besides your medical skill and other accomplishments, there are several advantages to having you in control, such as your connections on the Cardassian homeworld."

"Connections?" Bashir raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair. "You mean Garak, don't you?"

"Yes. According to your report, Mr. Garak holds some sway with the leaders of the dominant political group on Cardassia Prime.

Bashir nodded. "The Reunion Project."

"If and when Cardassia gets on its feet again the Federation wants to be in good standing with them. The Directorate must not be allowed to undermine their efforts. I understand that they’re faction is in the minority, but keep an eye on them. They have some dangerous people on their side. Keep your eyes open."

"I understand, sir. I will."

"And another thing…after the war, we left a small team on the planet to survey the extent of the damage. We lost contact with them a week ago. Find out what happened. It may be a simple matter of a faulty transmitter, but I want you to be prepared for the worst. I expect not every Cardassian has stopped thinking of us as the enemy."

Bashir nodded to show he understood that too. Admiral Ross sure was long-winded….

"The Nightingale will be leaving for DS9 later today," Ross said, entering some command into his computer. "You should be expecting her in thirty-six hours. Until then, I'm sending you all the information we have on the situation, including the status of your crew." The communications console chirped abruptly beneath Bashir's fingers as Ross's transmission downloaded.

Opening the display with a quick gesture, Bashir scrolled through the information, taking in as much as he could at first glance. "Everything seems to be in order."

"Glad to hear it," Ross said wryly. "Good luck, Dr. Bashir. You have your work cut out for you. This is no easy undertaking. Ross out."

The screen blanked and Julian sat stunned for a moment, unable to believe that he would finally be able to do what he was meant to again. He was no longer merely a paper-pusher. He was a doctor again.

So much for sleep.

****

Jake stepped out of the doorway and eased himself down to the flat stone step, careful to swing the door shut. He didn't want Kasidy to wake up and worry about him just because he couldn't sleep. Anyway, he was reluctant to break the early morning stillness with any clumsy noises.

In the predawn light, the sky looked perfectly smooth and clear, like a glass dome arching overhead. Over the rim of the shadowy hills at the edge of the valley, he could see the first flush of color tinting the silver-gray sky as the sun prepared to rise. One by one the stars faded into the morning light, but two of Bajor's moons hung low on the horizon, casting their own glow over the landscape. The usual rushing wind that was typical for this time of year had quieted overnight, and now only the slightest breezes tugged at his tunic and cooled his forehead. It was still and peaceful, and it soothed him; leaning back against the door frame, he gazed out over the valley and just listened.

I could write about this, he thought peacefully. His field had been mainly journalism in the last years of the war, but he had always loved writing fiction – his book Anslem for instance, with its manuscript now sitting in a dust cover on a shelf in his room waiting for the editor’s touch. Sitting here, he knew it wouldn't be too hard to slip into it again. Yes, he could weave stories about this quiet place, about the sighing trees and changing wind, the river, the moons, the stars...

He almost didn't hear Kasidy's light footstep behind him. "Hey." Her voice was soft and gentle, like the wind. "What are you doing up so early?"

Jake blinked, a bit startled, as he turned to look over his shoulder.

"Kas...I didn't mean to wake you up..."

Kasidy smiled back at him from the doorway. "You didn't, really. I was already awake when I heard you get up."

He gazed up at her in concern. "Are you feeling okay?"

She smiled gently, unconsciously brushing one hand over her belly. "Oh, I'm fine. I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. There's a lot to think about."

"Yeah," Jake said after a pause. "I know what you mean."

She made no response to that; but even from behind him, Jake could feel her smile warmly at him. With a small groan, she lowered herself to the step and sat down beside him, stretching out her legs.

"Whew," she breathed tiredly.

"I can never stay on my feet for very long before they get sore on me."

"You sure you're okay?" He gave her a questioning look.

Kasidy grinned. "I'm fine," she said, patting his shoulder. "I just like to complain too much."

Jake snorted softly; she smiled again. Then silence. There really wasn't a need to say anything else. For a long time they just sat together and gazed out over the valley, up at the sky. The air whispered around them.

The brightest of the stars had faded away and the eastern sky was becoming rosy with the sunrise when Kasidy finally broke the silence.

"I got a transmission from Dr. Bashir late last night," she said softly. "He won't be able to make it out here for quite some time. Looks like it'll just be you and me for a while."

"Mm." Jake stifled a yawn. He felt like he should go back inside and get some work done, or at least fix some breakfast, but was too comfortable to get up.

Kasidy's voice continued quietly. "He told me he's going to Cardassia for a few months. Things are worse than we thought over there and they need all the help they can get."

There was no implied meaning to her words – she was simply passing along the message. But something about her statement caught his attention. "What's wrong?"

Her brows creased thoughtfully, somberly. "I had no idea what it was like," she murmured. "Julian says things are terrible on Cardassia, especially in the cities. I knew the Dominion tried to wipe them out before they withdrew, but I never really thought of how bad things would be."

Jake frowned at the guilt in her voice. "We're kind of cut off from everyone out here," he said, not quite secure in the comfort this gave. "It's easy to lose track of what's going on."

Kasidy shook her head. "That isn't any excuse for me," she sighed. "There's a comm unit inside. We have access to all the information that comes and goes." She gave him a rueful smile. "Maybe I didn't want to see it. When you think about all the damage the Cardassians caused, it's hard to remember all the innocent people that were caught in the middle."

"Oh." Jake wasn't sure of what else to say. She hadn't put it into words, but he sensed that she was thinking the same thing he was – Dukat, and the string of his actions in the last year that had forced Ben Sisko, Jake’s father, to move against him. If it hadn't been for him...

But Jake pushed the thought away with a scowl.

If Kasidy had sensed Jake's angry thoughts, she didn't show it. "Well, one thing's for sure, anyway. I don't think I'll complain too much about roughing it without Julian's visits for a while. All things considered, we're not too bad off." She reached up and gave his arm a squeeze before leaning heavily on his shoulder to hoist herself up. "I think I'm going to fix some tea. It may not be the best tea in the galaxy, but it's drinkable. Do you want anything?"

"No." Then he glanced up at her skeptical expression and put on a smile, for her sake. "Well, okay. I'll come in and get something in a while."

Kasidy grinned back and pressed his shoulder. "Don't stay out here too long, okay, honey?"

He caught her hand as she turned to leave and kissed it lightly. "I won't."

Behind him, he heard her ease the door gently into place, and he was left alone with his thoughts.

And as morning crept closer, his thoughts began to come swiftly, a whirl of memories triggered by the affection in her gesture. He knew that warmth and kindness very well by now. That had always been part of Kasidy Yates, from the moment he'd first met her – a playful tilt to her smile, an open honesty in her eyes that had drawn him to her. He hadn't recognized it in the beginning, but looking back he realized that she had reminded him of his mother...

Dangerous ground, his mind cautioned. Jake scowled stubbornly and shoved the warning aside, suddenly not caring what consequences that would bring. Those times had been simpler, happier. He wanted to look back and remember things as they used to be, before everything started changing. They had been so happy then – the three of them, the closest Jake had come to a real, complete family in years. They had all been so relieved, so eager to move beyond the fighting and leave it behind them. His father had joked wearily to both of them, the evening after the treaty was signed, that he was considering retiring early, moving to Kendra Province and maybe opening a restaurant in Denaaj, because at least then the patrons wouldn't threaten invasion if their jambalaya was undercooked...

The light-hearted memory faded abruptly, and Jake found himself staring out over the valley, blind now to its beauty. Well, here we are, he thought, almost angrily. They were living in Kendra Province, just as his father had hoped. Denaaj was just over the ridge of the valley, to the north. Their house had been built exactly as his father had envisioned it, matching, down to every detail, the model he had built on DS9 – Jake had made sure of that.

Everything was ready for Benjamin Sisko to return and live out his dream of a home and family. But he hadn't come back.

All at once, Jake felt tired. He was tired of remembering, tired of waiting, tired of being brave while his world fell apart. And there was something else, a hollow, restless uncertainty that gnawed at his stomach. How much longer? When was his father going to return?

Maybe a year... maybe yesterday... That was what Kasidy had said, what his father had told her in his parting words. Jake still didn't quite understand what he had meant, and even now found himself wishing fiercely that his father had taken a moment to say something – anything – to him before he left them completely. A frown creased Jake's brow as he looked back on the last two months. Hoping against hope that his father could be returning at any moment, Jake had insisted they come here, make the home on Bajor that his father had dreamed of, and wait for him to come back. Now, he realized, for the first time he was facing the reality that it might not happen that way. What if it took years? What if...

But no. Jake refused to believe that his father would never come back. Even if he had to wait twenty years, he desperately believed that he would see his father again.

And then what? The thought burst through Jake's mind like an explosion, and he shivered. Suddenly, the morning wind felt cold. What if it did take that long? What if twenty years slipped past, and Ben Sisko showed up at the doorstep of the small home and found him still sitting there, waiting?

The rising sun faded from Jake's sight as he felt a sudden vision sweep over him – Dad, standing on the grass in front of him, gazing down at his son with sorrow in his eyes. Why, Jake? Why did you give up? You've thrown twenty years of your life away...

The sudden image felt as real to Jake as the hard stone beneath him, and his eyes stung with unshed tears. Pulling his knees to his chest, he leaned against the cool wall behind him and hid his face from the sunlight. He wanted to blot out the thoughts and doubts tumbling through his head. He wanted silence.

Many long minutes went by. Then, finally, the turmoil in Jake's mind began to ebb away. What replaced it was not silence. But it was different, gentler, a new memory that carried no bitterness behind it. It was from two years ago– or maybe three – before the war, not long before Kasidy had been arrested for her involvement with the Maquis. It was before Jake could become aware of the sense of foreboding that was building around them, threatening change that could never be reversed.

"This is important," Dad had said, out of nowhere. Even now, Jake could still feel the pressure of his father's hand on his arm. "You and I. Things change... but not this."

Not this. Jake lifted his head slightly, gazing down at the hand his father had pressed as he spoke. Things change, but not this. It was as if he had heard those words for the first time. At the time, it had seemed like such a strange and vague thing for his father to say, but now it meant everything. Jake's heartbeat quickened, and he lifted his tear-wet face to the cool air and warm sunlight. As powerfully as if his father had been seated next to him, he knew that somewhere, he was watching him, caring for him. And he wouldn't – he didn't – want Jake to grieve for him. He wanted his son to live.

Jake closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door frame. "Okay, Dad," he whispered. "I'll live. But live for what?"

Even as he asked the question, Jake was certain of his father’s answer. I'm sure you can think of something, Jake.

"Jake?"

He turned toward her voice, startled at how grateful he was for her being there. Concern filled Kasidy's eyes as she gazed down at him, and she knelt quickly to put her arms around him, sore feet long forgotten. Kasidy, with her warm, loving eyes and ready smile, no matter what insanity the universe threw at her. Jake hugged her fiercely.

"Jake... honey, are you all right?"

"Yeah," he said softly, smiling up at her. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

Chapter 3