Chapter 5

The office was silent as Kira sat down stiffly in the commanding officer's chair, watching Commander Alden and Lieutenant Nog take their own places. How many times had she been in that position, sitting in front of Sisko's desk and glaring into disapproving eyes? The thought almost made her smile nostalgically, so she quickly banished it; she wouldn't let out any trace of her emotions except for those she wanted Alden and Nog to see.

Her job wasn't going to be helped by the fact that she'd just finished her meeting with Rom, who had enthusiastically heaped praise upon both of them for their actions on Ferenginar - Kira had been so pleased to see both him and Leeta safe that it had become harder to look at the situation objectively. She had to give the reaction of a Bajoran military officer, not a friend, just as Shakaar had done during the Resistance.

The thought reminded her that she had matters to discuss with the First Minister; Rom had requested sanctuary from the Bajoran Government, and she'd promised to ask. Her fingers itched to steal across the desk and to put a memory-jogging note into the computer console, but she stopped them - that could wait until later. There were things to be dealt with first.

Nog looked just as she'd expected him to look - nervous, which was evident from the way he held his hands almost as if he were wringing them, but there was a great deal of determination in the way he held his head. He faced her, not letting himself look away, and Kira felt a certain satisfaction in that. He knew he had caused trouble, but wasn't going to run away from the consequences. She liked that.

She glanced over to study Alden… and immediately felt her blood pressure start to rise, annoyance and frustration worming their way into her thoughts. The commander looked completely nonchalant, as if she were about to recite his list of duties for the day. She resisted the urge to reach over, grab the front of his uniform, and bang his head against the desk. Instead, she harnessed the anger.

"Do you two have any idea how much trouble you're in?" she asked icily, including both of them in her glare.

Alden's eyes turned to the ceiling, as if he were working out a mathematical problem. "Quite a lot, I'd say."

"You're damn right!" Kira exploded, her fist banging down on the desk before she could stop it, making Nog flinch. "You disobeyed orders, and deliberately got yourselves involved in something that you'd been told to stay out of, because it could have caused an incident between the Federation and the Ferengi Alliance!" She unclenched her fist, forcing her voice to calm. "And not a minor incident -- a war. The consequences of your actions could have been catastrophic!"

Alden's expression didn't change, as calm as a vedek, as Nog began to speak. "I knew the consequences, sir," he said quietly. "But… but I didn't care."

Kira softened, although she took extreme care not to show it on her face - she could understand Nog, understand him very well. "Lieutenant, you are a Starfleet officer," she seethed. "You don't pick and choose which orders to follow."

Alden cleared his throat suddenly, and Kira turned to fix him with a glare. The commander ignored it. "This isn't Nog's fault," he told her. "It's mine."

"Really," she replied flatly, her irritation increasing again. "And how is that?"

Violet eyes regarded her coolly. "I knew the situation, and I knew what Nog was going to do. I'm his superior officer, but I did nothing to stop him from disobeying orders. In fact, I helped him - I'd say that pretty much makes this my fault, wouldn't you?" He leaned back in his chair and locked his fingers. "I take full responsibility for Lieutenant Nog's actions."

"Commander!" Nog hissed in protest.

Kira wore an inner smile - Alden taking responsibility for this was certainly all right with her. She also leaned back in her chair, staring straight at Alden and folding her arms.

"Fine," she said, in a voice so cold it could've frozen a volcano. "In that case, the punishment falls squarely on you - you're confined to quarters until I say otherwise. The only times you'll be allowed out are for your meetings with Counselor Dax - understand, Commander?"

Alden's face darkened, his expression knotted in frustration. Then he relaxed and smiled coolly. "Perfectly."

"Good. Get out." Kira watched Alden stand, before smartly turning to walk out of the office. She allowed a small breath to escape her lips as the doors closed behind him - suddenly there seemed to be a lot less tension in the room, and she felt her shoulders relax.

"Sir!" Nog looked as if he'd turned a shade paler. "You can't let him do that!"

Kira eyed the Ferengi. "He was the superior officer, and he should have stopped you. It was his responsibility."

"But he doesn't deserve to be punished for it, even if he did miss his conference! He was only trying to-" Nog was obviously about to argue some more, but stopped when he saw her expression - she was far from letting him off the hook.

"First off, Lieutenant, don't try to tell me what you think of this decision, especially when you're one of the people involved. Clear?"

Nog swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Second," Kira continued, "I think being confined to quarters is a pretty light punishment, considering what the future consequences might be. Commander Alden can think himself lucky, and you can too." She didn't like this, having to be the one to criticize Nog when he'd made so much progress with his confidence. But it had to be done; it would lessen the chance of Nog doing something to jeopardize his career in the future. And for that reason alone, all of this would be worth it.

"I know, sir." Nog looked down at his hands, freeing them from the half-wringing position. "It just doesn't seem fair - he wouldn't have become involved in all this if it hadn't been for me. This is my fault. I should be the one who takes the blame."

Kira's heart softened again, and she decided that the lieutenant had had enough disciplining; it was obvious that he'd learned his lesson and was sorry. Now was the time to be a friend. "Why'd you do it, Nog?" she asked gently, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from Nog himself. "Why did you put everything at risk and disobey Starfleet's orders?"

He looked up. "For my father, and Leeta - I couldn't just leave them there to be killed; I had to go. I went as a concerned son, not a Starfleet officer. For all the difference that'll make," he added in a mutter.

Kira smiled. "I'll let you in on a little secret, Nog. If you'd done this just slightly different - taken some shore leave, booked a trip to Risa, maybe - this wouldn't be happening right now."

"What do you mean?" Nog looked at her, confused.

"If you'd been on leave, I could've looked the other way. You wouldn't have been abandoning your post." She shrugged. "Your methods were just a little sloppy, that's all."

He looked stunned. "But… but what about Commander Alden? If he'd been on leave too, then he wouldn't have been punished?"

"Commander Alden's situation is another matter. His missing the conference can easily be explained, and it's not like he was on assignment I don't like that he just took off like that," she added with a scowl, "but he didn't do any harm."

"Then what'll happen to him?"

Kira allowed herself another smile. "Not too much. I think I'll just let him stew for a bit." She wished she could do more, but she didn't know if Starfleet would let Nog off as easily as she would. "He deserves a lot more."

"I'm glad he won't get into serious trouble," the Ferengi said with a smile of his own. He relaxed in his chair. "I owe him a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't have saved my father without him," Nog explained. "He was the one who had the experience and stopped me from getting myself killed; if he hadn't been there, I would've made some really stupid mistakes." A flicker of concern passed over his face. "But what will Starfleet make of all this? Will we be in trouble with Admiral Ross?"

Kira shook her head, making her earring touch the side of her face. "I don't think this is something I really need to discuss with Starfleet. I may need to make a report about the Ferenginar situation at some point, but there's no reason why I should mention your involvement - you weren't there as a Starfleet officer, after all." She saw Nog sigh with relief. "Besides, I think you've learned your lesson."

"What about Commander Alden?"

"The same applies to him. And now he's taken responsibility and a punishment - I'm happy to let it lie where it is." Kira took a breath; this meeting was at an end, and it was time to send Nog back to his duties.

"What about my father?" Nog broke in before she could dismiss him, his voice suddenly smaller. "What's going to happen to him?"

Kira thought of her impending communication with Shakaar, and the promise that she'd made Rom. "We'll see," she replied softly.

* * * *

Counselor Dax leaned over a PADD, carefully wording her report to Starfleet. She took a break and rubbed sleep out of sleepless eyes. It was over, she decided. And today she was going to tell Endar so. She simply couldn't deal with him anymore. She felt like a failure, but she simply wasn't able to do it.

She wasn't sure what would happen to Endar. She hoped someone would be able to help him, though she doubted it. Then she remembered something she'd told Julian long ago - that it was arrogant to think someone was too far gone just because one person failed in saving them. Maybe she just couldn't get through.

Perhaps the problem was she let him get close; she almost liked Endar. He was a good person with a kind heart. Good people deserved all the chances they could get. After considerable progress, he could have been a remarkable asset to the crew. It was part pride, part stubbornness, part compassion that made this more painful for her than it should have been. Maybe Kira was right, after all.

She heard the door to her office open, knew it was him. "Sit down," Dax said sternly.

Endar stopped walking, and for a moment said nothing. "I wasn't going to stay long, Counselor. I just had something to --"

Dax whirled, eyes cold. "I said sit down."

Endar stood motionless for a moment and then moved to the couch. Ezri's eyes followed him as he sat and got comfortable. She mustered everything the previous hosts had learned, tried to hold all of their strength in her. Then she began.

"When I took on your case, I knew there was a chance you were too far gone. But I tried anyway --"

"Counselor --"

"No!" Ezri shouted, throwing the PADD in her hand to the ground. "You will listen." Endar sat a little straighter, a little further back. There was an awkward pause before she began again. "Your case is a little stranger than most. Adults don't get Oppositional Defiance Disorder. There was a very good chance you were beyond hope. I honestly thought I could help you. But you've consistently made me look like a fool, in front of my commanding officer, and in front of my colleagues. And still, I've defended you.

"But you know what? You're not interested in changing," Ezri continued. "That's what this recent incident has shown me. You don't want to change. And I can't help people who won't help themselves. So, that's it. I'm dropping you."

"What?!" Endar shouted, bolting from the couch.

"Sit!" Ezri roared.

Endar sat back down, shaking. "Do you have any idea how much trouble I could be in for insisting that you continue to work, given your current state of mind? Ezri said quietly, seething. "Or the risk I put not only myself, but Kira, Nog and every on the station in, for your sake? Well I'm not letting you --"

"The boy is me."

Ezri suddenly stopped. "What?"

Endar looked up, still quivering. "The boy in my hallucination -- he's me."

Ezri stared at him, not talking. Endar shifted uncomfortably and continued. "I had another hallucination on Ferenginar. I put Nog's and Quark's lives in jeopardy, not to mention my own. I used to shrug them off, but they're getting worse. And I can't control them. And they won't just let me go on with my life. I used to think that if I could just forget what'd happened, I'd be able to move on." His brow furrowed, and his next words betrayed a hint of sadness. "Memories are funny that way. They don't want to be forgotten -- because then they aren't memories anymore. They're passing fancies, dreams, hallucinations, echoes of something you can't begin to consider -- but they aren't memories. The more I try to bury my memories, the more they manifest themselves whenever they can.

"So I can't run. Not anymore. I want to stay, Ezri. I want you to help me. Whatever you want, I'll do it. You just tell me."

It was Ezri's turn to be shaken. She regarded him silently for a moment and then extended a finger toward him. "This is your last chance," she said softly. "If you pull another stunt like this ever again, you'll be fighting Kira and Starfleet on your own. Do you understand?"

Endar nodded.

"Good, " she said. "I'll expect you on Wednesday."

Endar stood, reaching out to Ezri. She shooed him away. "Just go, Endar," she said quietly.

Endar hung his head, walking out of the office. Ezri watched the door close, stared at it awhile, and then collapsed into her chair.

Chapter Six

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